tralala

today was a pretty good day.

i looked decent. i danced well. i had all my work ready to turn in.
i must say that i didn't eat as much today at lunch after The Realization, and
lamented the fact that i can no longer fit into some of my skirts and pants.

i came home from school to a box on my front porch filled with my clothes that i left in dallas, including KHAKI SKIRTS that fit!!!! this made me super excited. i plan on wearing one tomorrow.
annie will be glad to know that i shaved my legs in preparation.

BUT. there is happier news.

this upcoming weekend is labor day weekend or some other holiday that results in a long weekend. dad and i are going to bermuda with k and her family to tan, swim, and excavate a whale. :D
but to do this i was going to have to take a 7 a.m. flight on friday, thus missing a day of school which i would have to make up eventually. and i'm not good at making work up.

i received an email from dad saying that k's family's plane will be stopping at RDU at 6 pm on friday and i am going to be on that flight. not only does that mean that i won't have to check bags and go through major security, but it also means that i won't miss school!!
:D x 1000000000

being so happy, i quickly did my massive amount of homework and showered. it is now 9:51 pm and i am ready for bed. this is monumental.

alas, i did not go for a run today. not out of pure laziness, but my mother wouldn't let me because i am "still weak" from "that cold that you had over the weekend."
um. ok. so i am convinced that my mom is trying to make me fat because i am allowed to participate in a rigorous dance class for 45 minutes, but not go on a short run for about 20 minutes.

kidding.

sort of.

happy of the day:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/my-book-proposal-for-the-next-bestselling-piece-of-shit/

i found that last night when i was slacking. it made me laugh hysterically.

realization

i am fat.

well, not exactly "fat" per say, but definitely in possession of more womanly curves,
as you could call them.

i call them ugly and gross, among other things.

i eat like a pig and i don't work out as much as i should.

i came to this realization as i was trying on this adorable size 0 theory skirt that i bought last year to see what i should wear with it to school tomorrow. guess who couldn't button it?
this wouldn't be so traumatic if the skirt had been a little tight last year, but last year, a mere 10 months ago, it hung loosely around my hips!! it now clenches tightly around my hips/muffin top. it is hideous.

this discovery prompted me to try on all of my khaki.
the majority of my pants don't fit and there was one pair i couldn't pull up past my thighs.
so i tried on the rest of my skirts. my "fat skirts" are my new "skinny" skirts.

ballsack.

i guess i never really noticed the weight gain, which i assume to be from this past summer, because i spent every day in either running shorts, a dress, or dance clothes. and dance clothes are surprisingly forgiving. which sucks because you can't tell if you're getting fat or not. and they're even more forgiving when you aren't dancing in front of a mirror.

ugh. i don't like this. last year, i was so pretty and skinny!! i weighed 87 pounds. i shudder at what i weigh now.

and yes, i realize that 87 pounds may not sound like much, but mind you that i am extremely short and my mother weighed 96 pounds when she got married.
right now, i probably weigh as much as my mom did when she had me (around 105 pounds). that is disgusting. i weigh as much as a pregnant lady.

tomorrow, i will chug water like it's going out of style, i will not eat any junk food or unnecessary snacks, and i will go running after school for at least 30 minutes.

if i don't go running, i will not wear eyeliner on wednesday.
or reapply eyeliner, more likely.

with love,
the fat-ass