realization

i am fat.

well, not exactly "fat" per say, but definitely in possession of more womanly curves,
as you could call them.

i call them ugly and gross, among other things.

i eat like a pig and i don't work out as much as i should.

i came to this realization as i was trying on this adorable size 0 theory skirt that i bought last year to see what i should wear with it to school tomorrow. guess who couldn't button it?
this wouldn't be so traumatic if the skirt had been a little tight last year, but last year, a mere 10 months ago, it hung loosely around my hips!! it now clenches tightly around my hips/muffin top. it is hideous.

this discovery prompted me to try on all of my khaki.
the majority of my pants don't fit and there was one pair i couldn't pull up past my thighs.
so i tried on the rest of my skirts. my "fat skirts" are my new "skinny" skirts.

ballsack.

i guess i never really noticed the weight gain, which i assume to be from this past summer, because i spent every day in either running shorts, a dress, or dance clothes. and dance clothes are surprisingly forgiving. which sucks because you can't tell if you're getting fat or not. and they're even more forgiving when you aren't dancing in front of a mirror.

ugh. i don't like this. last year, i was so pretty and skinny!! i weighed 87 pounds. i shudder at what i weigh now.

and yes, i realize that 87 pounds may not sound like much, but mind you that i am extremely short and my mother weighed 96 pounds when she got married.
right now, i probably weigh as much as my mom did when she had me (around 105 pounds). that is disgusting. i weigh as much as a pregnant lady.

tomorrow, i will chug water like it's going out of style, i will not eat any junk food or unnecessary snacks, and i will go running after school for at least 30 minutes.

if i don't go running, i will not wear eyeliner on wednesday.
or reapply eyeliner, more likely.

with love,
the fat-ass